How to Avoid The Crab Mentality And Why It’s Killing Your Relationships

How to Avoid The Crab Mentality And Why It’s Killing Your Relationships

Wisdom is often taught best via parables and stories. That, plus it also helps me appear less sanctimonious when it’s coming from someone besides myself – some unknown source passed from generation to generation.

Read this short story below and see if it hits home as hard for you as it did for me.


THE STORY OF THE CRAB BUCKET

One time a man was walking along the beach and saw another man fishing in the surf with a bait bucket beside him. As he drew closer, he saw that the bait bucket had no lid and had live crabs inside.

“Why don’t you cover your bait bucket so the crabs won’t escape?”, he said.

“You don’t understand.”, the man replied, “If there is one crab in the bucket it would surely crawl out very quickly.

However, when there are many crabs in the bucket, if one tries to crawl up the side, the others grab hold of it and pull it back down so that it will share the same fate as the rest of them.”


Don’t be one of those bottom-feeding, jealous crabs. How often have you tried to move up in the world, only to find your friends and those close to you apathetic at best, or welcoming you with subtle jabs to marginalize your efforts and pursuits? Step one would be to eliminate or severely limit your exposure to those types of crabs holding you down, but sadly it’s widely pervasive.

A dual approach would be to control what you can control: yourself. Break the crab mentality. When you feel that ping of jealousy or envy, pause and decide whether you want to be the crab or you want to NOT take it as a personal insult on your ego/life and use it as FUEL to better yourself by learning from that crab crawling out of the bucket ahead of you in any given life domain (health, business, relationships, etc.)

I recently encountered an acquaintance’s  blog that is 10x past yours truly, and I felt the negative ping. If you don’t believe there are more popular blogs than mine, Google <fill in the blank anything> and you might be able to confirm. In my proudest meditative zen moment, I felt it, acknowledge it, and decided to learn from him to better my own success rather than twist my life lens kaleidoscope in such a way that I could still see him as inferior to placate my petty ego.

Champions don’t have a panic button. Champions focus on what they need to do to up-level themselves, putting in the right work day after day. Champions don’t have crab mentality. And I’m an authority when it comes to champions since I won my high school football championship. O’Doyle rules! Side note, if my unborn child looks at my championship ring for at least two seconds I won’t consider it an utter waste of $300 bucks.

If you want a more eloquent explanation of this general sentiment, read about the Abundance Mentality.

Go out there, crush it, and don’t be the crab.

When was the last time you experienced the crab mentality, and how did you choose to ultimately respond?

How to Get 10% More Health Optimization In Each Day Without Spending More Time

How to Get 10% More Health Optimization In Each Day Without Spending More Time

I would give almost anything to get 25 hours a day while everyone else is sitting at 24. As it stands, I haven’t figured out a way to bend time, so I’ve resorted to gimmicky tricks throughout the day that make a noticeable difference. The to-do lists pile up ever so easily. If you want more flexibility, you need to stretch more. Eat mindfully (A.K.A. add 20 mins to your meal). Practice gratitude and journal and pray and write thank-you letters.  It feels like a full-time job to optimize your mind, body, and health when you (most likely) quite literally already have another full-time job. Every day is a battle of how much health optimization I can squeeze in without entirely losing it (it being defined as reality, a social life, productivity, or anything else worth having on this rock we call Earth).

A neat little hack to circumvent this overwhelm is to stack a more important activity on top of a mindless/habit-formed activity so that you aren’t adding more time necessary, you’re simply getting more juice out of the same squeeze. I’ve had terrible ankle mobility since time immemorial (interchangeably using mobility with flexibility here, as the differences aren’t worth mentioning for the purpose of this post). I’ve also been massively lazy and never prioritized stretching since genesis.

Here’s a useful, real-world example. I’ve had terrible ankle mobility since time immemorial (interchangeably using mobility with flexibility here, as the differences aren’t worth mentioning for the purpose of this post). I’ve also been massively lazy and never prioritized stretching since genesis. I started stretching my calves while I brushing my teeth, yielding 2 mins, twice a day of ankle mobility work. Within a few months, I had respectable ankle mobility as was able to do deeper squats, with better, back-friendly posture (my primary motivator). Teeth brushing as a great one to stack or layer on another activity because it’s done entirely automatically. There’s no decision making or complexity to it as it’s a habit. When stacking (or layering for lack of a better word) properly, you aren’t in fact multi-tasking in the way that’s been recently and justly criticized. Multi-tasking becomes an issue when the two or more tasks require cognitive resources and decision making. That’s not what this is unless I’ve tremendously overestimated your teeth brushing abilities.

These minutes add up well. Find a few spots in the day where you become a mindless autopilot drone, and use that time more wisely to get the Slight Edge effect. How about when you’re stuck in traffic, a meeting, or some other colossal waste of your time? You could daydream, but why not use that time to catch up on your gratitude or deep diaphragmatic breathing? The point is not to tell you what to stack, but rather to provide the lens through which you can apply to better optimize your time and health.

Objection handling disclaimer. Being “mindful” does count for something, and that is a fair application of stacking where you would otherwise mindlessly proceed. As is our constant theme, you must prioritize what result you most value. Being 10% more flexible may beat out being 10% more zen, your call.

Tech Add-On: If you need help forming the new stacking habits, I recommend the simple app Way of Life to build daily compliance through self-reporting and tracking.

Top 3 Apps & Extensions To Instantly Give You More Time Back

Top 3 Apps & Extensions To Instantly Give You More Time Back

Unless you’re a complete Luddite, you’re probably spending a good portion of your day on the computer, phone, tablet, or any other addictive Apple-shaped device. If you’re anything like me (and for your sake, I really hope that answer’s no) then you get overly excited about any add-on, app, or extension that saves you time in any capacity – be it through blocking ads, speeding up recordings/videos, auto-filling, etc. This list will continue to grow, but for now I wanted to share with you a few low-cost or free apps or extensions that will give you an immediate return of your time.

Adblock for Youtube Extension

This free Chrome extension revolutionized the way I spend/waste time on Youtube: 100%  Youtube ad elimination. No more annoying retargeting ads chasing you from something you mistakenly glanced at a day before. No more Tai Lopez video ads haunting your consciousness. The wonderland of Youtube is now that much decluttered for you. Watch, learn, and motivate yourself, without the wasted time and distraction of paid ads.

Enounce

Enounce lets you speed up your videos to save time (or slow down if beed knee). Certain video hosting platforms like Youtube let you go up to 2x max speed, and other platforms don’t let you change the speed at all. Enounce lets you modify the video speed in increments of .10 up to 3x and beyond. Trying to drag yourself through an online training course a bit more quickly? Done.

TextExpander

TextExpander lets you quickly autofill anything of your choosing. You can use it for the easy wins that you type on a daily basis, like your email. It’s 100% customizable, so you could program “;em” to autofill <your-email>. Single words won’t be a landslide victory (although I’m lazy enough to consider those a great moral victory) so it’s better to use TextExpander for whole sentences or paragraphs. Is there any phrase or paragraph you frequently use in your job? How about, “Thank you Mr. Customer/Prospect for being kind enough to emphatically reject my initial offering/message. May I interest you in our second best offering? It’s slightly worse with these hardly noticeable differences.” My botched humor aside, you get the point: make it work for you. Identify anything you do manually on a repetitive basis, and automate it.

 

Simple, actionable, easy wins. Low cost and time to implement, yet high and enduring yield. What are your favorite time-saving apps and/or extensions?

Goal Achievement Simplified: The No-Nonsense Guide to Achieving What You Want WITHOUT The Motivational White Noise

Goal Achievement Simplified: The No-Nonsense Guide to Achieving What You Want WITHOUT The Motivational White Noise

Some people have dreams, better people have goals. Facetiousness aside, we’re about being practical and action-oriented, so I will hereafter use “goals” to loosely refer to goals, ambitions, end outcomes, dreams, etc.

So what’s the problem?

“If you can dream it, you can do it!” Yay for motivational platitudes! Or how about, “It’s all about the grind, grind-grind-grind, you have to love the grind.” Again, motivational and goal achievement common speak utterly devoid of practical know-how or intelligent adjustments toward your goals.

There’s a time and place for all that stuff. In fact, if you like the rah-rah, I suggest you peruse through Instagram and land anywhere. For now, let’s review more of a checklist approach to see what you can add or eliminate to tangibly move the dial in the right direction. Your goal could be hitting X $/month in supplemental income, hitting your next fitness personal record, or quite literally anything that matters enough for you to concretely write it down and focus on.

Step 1: Decide & Commit

Painfully obvious yet frequently overlooked. What is it that you want? What lights you up inside to give you the sustained motivation you’ll need to stick with it until fruition. If it’s a nice-to-have, it’s not happening. In the wise words of Derek Sivers, “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no.”

“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.” -Lewis Carroll

If you want 10 things at once, join the club, then decide which one or two are most important to you. Once you establish your end outcome, you can move on to reverse-engineering the smartest and most efficient way to get there, fueled by the requisite motivation and intention.

“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’.” -Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

Step 2: Reverse-Engineer or Model

Finding the Right Mentor or Coach

Bar none, the best way to springboard yourself toward your desired outcome is finding and modeling after the right mentor, coach, or example. Nothing novel here, but what people don’t emphasize enough is the criteria to find the right model or mentor. For such an important question, the answer is remarkably simple; the best mentor or person to model after is someone is a) is currently doing what you want to learn and b) is doing it well and at a level to which you aspire. If you miss one of those, you’ll likely (not always) run into trouble. They have to be in the weeds of the business/activity NOW, to be up-to-date enough to be able to help you, versus. them spewing out antiquated information that worked for them in a prehistoric period. The other criterion is a bit more self-explanatory: if they haven’t achieved the results you want, for themselves, how could they possibly teach you or get you there? The frequency with which I’ve seen pudgy trainers training someone skinner is both disturbing and perplexing. #NoJudgements

Modeling after success applies to almost anything. Marketing 101 will teach you to swipe or model after advertisements and campaigns that have already proven to be successful. You rarely, if ever, have to reinvent the wheel. Figure out what’s already working, or who’s already figured it out, and start following what got them there.

The Best Path Is the Most Efficient Path

If you can’t find or afford the right coach, keep looking, but let’s move on to the next best thing: reverse-engineering the goal. Consider all the possible activities that could inch you one step closer toward your desired outcome, and pull out the 80/20 – the 20% of the activities that will result in 80% of the total positive impact. You could do a lot of things, but only a few will make the most difference, and they tend to be the most obvious and mundane. For example, if you wanted to get a handle on your health, you could cycle through 30 different protein powders and supplements, or you could simply cut gluten and sugar, and get enough sleep. If our friend Pareto isn’t giving you a clear answer and you don’t know which are the 80/20 activities, here’s another question to consider:

“Which one of these, if done, would render all the rest either easier or completely irrelevant?” Timothy Ferriss, Tools of Titans

Now that you have identified the highest leverage tasks, it’s time to obliterate all the noise in your way to perform at your peak. Near and dear to my heart, we have…

Step 3: Eliminate Distractions

This one is so important it deserves a full and separate post (which I’ve done only in part, here). If you want the elimination Bible, I recommend you read Essentialism.

“If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.” – Greg McKeown, Essentialism.

In a world inundated with notifications, social media, and instant messages, we’ve conditioned ourselves into a culture of expecting immediate responses and engagement on a 24/7 basis. This is fabulous for OPA (Other People’s Agenda) but detrimental for you accomplishing anything of value, beyond the facade of busyness. Clear the path so that you can execute your highest leverage activities on a daily basis with consistency and quality. What you eliminate or subtract is equally if not more important than what you add in to achieve your expressed goals. This elimination process requires perpetual revisiting and constant reassessing of what is on your schedule or in your way hindering you from executing with clarity, ease, and focus, yielding Flow. Distraction= person, place, or thing that doesn’t directly bring you materially closer toward your stated goals.

Here are a few common distractions to help you get started:

  1. Push notifications on your phone that don’t require your real-time attention.
  2. Social media and FB walls/timelines/posts.
  3. Negative, annoying people and other energy vampires.
  4. Groups, clubs, or organizations that eat up your time more than they add value.
  5. Clutter, physical and digital.
  6. Mundane decisions.
  7. Meetings.

Step 4: Execute Daily

The path has been cleared, you know what you need to do, and why you are doing it. There a few theories (pre-calendar/timeslot everything, Pomodoro Technique, etc.) of how to execute most effectively, but the bottom line is to find a way to get the activities completed by the end of the day. I recommend you make your execution process a habit or routine, so you don’t waste cognitive resources each day deciding when/where/how you will complete your tasks (adding yet another barrier to achievement).

Be honest with yourself here and figure out what it’s really going to take for you to accomplish your day with consistency. Who do you need to talk to, what do you need to see or do, to put yourself in the focused and motivated frame of mind to get it done. If watching re-runs of Rich Froning makes you feel like a sufficient POS (piece-of-shit), compelling you to step it up, then I’m not (self-)judging.

Have a written list, on paper or via digital notes/reminders, and check it off each day. If you want more help coming up with the list or inspiration, check out Andy Frisella’s “Kill It Every Day” podcast episode.

I’ve observed a war between the “work smarter not harder” and the “grind until Gary V is proud of you” crowds, so if you implement Step 2 and Step 4 here, you’ll get the best of both worlds.

Step 5: Adapt & Readjust

Ready. Fire. Aim. Like any plan, you must reassess and make minor or even major modifications along the way. Again, as is evidently the answer for everything, the answer is balance; you can’t give up before you ever had a chance to succeed/improve, but you also can’t work yourself to death ignoring the signs along the way that you’re doing something dead-wrong. Can you find a better mentor/coach? Can you automate something with software that you had previously delegated or were doing yourself? What other variables can you manipulate or test to prove out a more efficacious path?

“You’ve learned the Ultimate Success Formula: Know your outcome, develop the sensory acuity to know what you’re getting, develop the flexibility to change your behavior until you find out what works—and you will reach your outcome.” – Anthony Robbins, Unlimited Power.

I interpret the, “develop the sensory acuity to know what you’re getting,” part to be Tony’s nice way of saying don’t be a complete imbecile by disregarding the writing-on-the-wall information if something either worked or didn’t.

Test, re-test, persist. Along the way, you can pad your ego from others by telling them you’ve “pivoted” or “changed strategies” to mask your failed experiments. Repeat this entire process, moving up the food chain on to bigger, more impactful, and more challenging projects until you no longer want to grow or until you D.I.E., whichever comes first.