How I Compared to Health Guru Ben Greenfield (And Why Everyone Needs to Visit the Human Garage)

How I Compared to Health Guru Ben Greenfield (And Why Everyone Needs to Visit the Human Garage)

I saw that Ben Greenfield (prominent health and fitness influencer and self-proclaimed biohacker) recently chanced upon a place I have been holding in my back pocket for several months, waiting for an opportune time to give it my full endorsement. The Human Garage, in beautiful Venice, California is the place of which I speak. Simply put, it’s the most holistic and bleeding-edge health center to improve your body alignment, biochemical wellbeing, energy, and mind. They have several modalities to accomplish this, along with the absolute best supplements one may find on earth. Basically, their standard for anything they do or sell to improve your health is an 11 out of 10.

I’ve gone through their full protocol of multiple sessions, along with a subclinical wellness test to better tailor their recommendations for me. My results are below, along with Ben Greenfield’s. The provider they use for the wellness analysis, QurEcology, is apparently one of the best, with extremely unforgiving and stringent gradings for the most relevant biomarkers ranging from digestion to inflammation to toxicity. If you’ve ever wondered if you have “adrenal fatigue,” this would be the best indication. Sure, you can just go off of how you feel, but why not get reliable data on your health. In God we trust, all else bring data.

Now, health is not a competition and this post title is admittedly a bit clickbaity, but I have very real lessons learned through comparing my results to someone like Ben Greenfield, such as:

  • Get tested. Get the data. Don’t assume anything.
  • Never give someone too much credit or worse, not give yourself enough credit.
  • Lifestyle takes its toll. Ben travels all over the world and has a packed schedule giving talks, training for long-distance endurance competitions, etc. That undoubtedly impacted his results.
  • Simple is better than complex. Ben has tried every biohacking tool under the sun, but that is majoring in minors. The majors being the basics of health (meditation, breathing, gratitude, love, nature, non-excessive exercise, and the rest of the stuff I beat you over the head with in this blog). I get caught up in the latest and greatest as is human nature to seek novelty, but discipline myself to execute on the 80/20 of health (and per below that has evidently paid off). Anything I do past that is whimsical and hopeful experimentation derived from my obsession with health.

If you have lingering back pain or neck pain, want to realign yourself to undo years of sitting and the 21st century sedentary lifestyle, or simply want to upgrade your mind and body through the most exquisite experience, I highly recommend you make the trip to Venice and visit Human Garage. They have a waiting list and all that jazz, so check in with them first.

Brian’s biochemical lab results from the Human Garage (QurEcology Biochemical Wellness Analysis)

  • Green/good count: 8
  • Yellow/mediocre count: 6
  • Red/poor count: 0

Ben Greenfield’s biochemical lab results from the Human Garage

  • Green/good count: 1
  • Yellow/mediocre count: 7
  • Red/poor count: 6

If you’re reading this Ben, know that I would jump at the chance to learn from you, as I have done so in the past, along with your friend, old roommate and vacuum-vixen Brett.

The Gambler (During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day…)

The Gambler (During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day…)

One of my favorite humorous stories with multiple morals to be interpreted, as the best stories always are! Make the best of what you’ve got. Turn weaknesses into strengths and advantages. Master presentation and social situations. All are not as they seem. Be curious, don’t be certain of others. Question your level of certainty, as the penalty for error may be beyond what you can afford. Having poor pissing accuracy really isn’t a problem.


The Gambler

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks.”

The bartender said, “That’s fine, but we’re in the middle of the Depression, so I’ll need to see some money first.”

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Where did you get all that money?” asked the bartender.
“I’m a professional gambler,” replied the man.
The bartender said, “There’s no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?”
“Well, I only bet on sure things,” said the guy.
“Like what?” asked the bartender.
“Well, for example, I’ll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye,” he said.
The bartender thought about it. “Okay,” he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. “Aw, you screwed me,” said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
“I’ll give you another chance. I’ll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye,” said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, “Well, I know you’re not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I’ll take that bet.” So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
“Aw, you screwed me again!” protested the bartender.
“That’s how I win so much money, bartender. I’ll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars,” said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, “Bartender, I’ll give you one last chance. I’ll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop.”
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn’t even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. “Okay, you’re on,” he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, “Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!”
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, “That’s okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!”
At the Swing of Midnight

At the Swing of Midnight

I really love this poem, for lack of a more elegant opener. It’s similar to What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction, except it wasn’t written by teenagers and it has a touch more grace. It doesn’t apply to only women either, though I’m happy to dedicate this post for our beloved females. I know enough people who walk around oblivious to the light they emanate wherever they go. Beautiful minds and beautiful hearts with their thoughts elsewhere, devoid of ego or self-awareness of how amazing they are (in this case, it does not take one to know one).

My ask: send this to someone to which you feel it applies. 


At the Swing of Midnight

At the swing of midnight, on the day you were born,

Three lightning bolts came together.

The first, sinuous and long, said, “I shall make her graceful.”

The second, jagged and strong, said, “I shall give her a mind

That cuts into darkness like diamond.”

The third, bright as a sun, said, “I shall give her radiance

That warms and brightens all those around her.”

 

 

As the three lightning bolts descended on the newborn,

Lightning-fast,

A fourth came along, so spectral and pale as to go unseen,

And whispered: “I shall make her forget.”

 

 

And so she walked the earth, oblivious to her gifts,

Save when staring into a newborn’s endless eyes

Or hearing a strain of music so pregnant with yearning

As to have the weight of truth,

Or when a dusty pilgrim would arrive from far away

And cry, “Ave!,” with wild eyes that could see

The goddess for the human that she was.

 

 

— Ali Binazir 10/2012

Book Summary: The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz and Janet Mills

Book Summary: The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz and Janet Mills

My Interpretation

We are the sum of our thoughts and actions, but most interestingly, often our thoughts are imbued in us by society and subconscious comparison to others. Mindfulness works in conjunction with this to observe your mind and thoughts as they occur as a preliminary step toward any positive redirection. People (myself included) are walking basket cases full of their own insecurities, issues, and worries, so it’s really a waste of your energy and time to take things personally or assume the worst. Show up as your best self, both to yourself in how you speak and think, and to others. Reclaim your sense of inner child by finding and sustaining what energizes and excites you.

Book Highlights

  • “That is why humans resist life. To be alive is the biggest fear humans have. Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive — the risk to be alive and express what we really are. Just being ourselves is the biggest fear of humans. We have learned to live our lives trying to satisfy other people’s demands.”
  • “The first agreement is to be impeccable with your word.”
  • “The second agreement is don’t take anything personally.”
  • “Even the opinions you have about yourself are not necessarily true; therefore, you don’t need to take whatever you hear in your own mind personally. The mind has the ability to talk to itself, but it also has the ability to hear information that is available from other realms.”
  • “The third agreement is don’t make assumptions.”
  • “The fourth agreement is about the action of the first three: Always do your best.”
  • “Sometimes that little child comes out when you are having fun or playing, when you feel happy, when you are painting, or writing poetry, or playing the piano, or expressing yourself in some way. These are the happiest moments of your life — when the real you comes out, when you don’t care about the past and you don’t worry about the future. You are childlike. But there is something that changes all that: We call them responsibilities.”
  • “We are addicted to being the way we are. We are addicted to anger, jealousy, and self-pity. We are addicted to the beliefs that tell us, “I’m not good enough, I’m not intelligent enough. Why even try? Other people will do it because they’re better than me.” All of these old agreements which rule our dream of life are the result of repeating them over and over again. Therefore, to adopt The Four Agreements, you need to put repetition in action. Practicing the new agreements in your life is how your best becomes better. Repetition makes the master.”