A Message by George Carlin: The Paradox of Our Time

A Message by George Carlin: The Paradox of Our Time

I read this “message” roughly once a year to remind myself of what matters most and to remain grounded as possible. It’s incisive and deeply profound. Enjoy, share, and reflect. Comedians are the smartest and most perceptive people on the planet, in my opinion, like creative polymath Jim Carrey. They see the truth, as displayed in the message below, and put a coat of humor on it to ease the delivery and bypass our mental biases.


A Message by George Carlin

The Paradox of Our Time

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time;
We have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life; we’ve added years to life, not life to years.
We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We’ve conquered outer space, but not inner space.
We’ve done larger things, but not better things.
We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We’ve split the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less.
We plan more, but accomplish less.
We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait.
We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships.
These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.
These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw-away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Truth


A Message by George Carlin

The Paradox of our Time
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time;
We have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life; we’ve added years to life, not life to years.
We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We’ve conquered outer space, but not inner space.
We’ve done larger things, but not better things.
We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We’ve split the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less.
We plan more, but accomplish less.
We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait.
We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships.
These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure, but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.
These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw-away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

  • Peace means someone has the biggest stick. If we were all equal, we’d be fighting all the time.
  • The core of humor is what I call the 2-of-6 rule. In order for something to be funny, you need at least two of the following elements:
    • Cute (as in kids and animals)
    • Naughty
    • Bizarre
    • Clever
    • Recognizable (You’ve been there)
    • Cruel
  • People are often more accountable to someone they care about than to themselves.
  • A high social status / power increases our testosterone (in both men and women). This is largely why CEO’s, politicians, and other high status people have high rates of infidelity.
  • Testosterone inhibits oxytocin release, and vice versa. Oxytocin is the hormone that allows us to feel connected to other people (released via physical contact with others, such as hugs, sex, cuddling, etc. – give people hugs to have them remember you!). Therefore, high testosterone males can lack caring/compassion/empathy for others. Example: boy teenagers are entirely focused on themselves. This also why men’s testosterone decreases when they are in a committed relationship, and then further more when they have kids.
  • The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.
  • We never really get used to that which brings us shame, such as something that reminds of when we were bullied. This is why plastic surgery has actually been shown to increase happiness to some degree, and it can remove/reduce the shame.
  • Our actions and results are dictated by our paradigms, which is a system of beliefs based on repetitive set of information. Paradigms are naturally imbued in us as we grow up, but they can be manipulated. There is a difference between intellect and our paradigm.
  • People value things more the more they pay for it.
  • The great historian Will Durant says in “The Lessons Of History”: “The second biological lesson of history is that life is selection. In the competition for food or mates or power some organisms succeed and some fail. In the struggle for existence some individuals are better equipped than others to meet the tests of survival. Since Nature has not read very carefully the American Declaration of Independence or the French Revolutionary Declaration of the Rights of Man, we are all born unfree and unequal: subject to our physical and psychological heredity, and to the customs and traditions of our group; diversely endowed in health and strength, in mental capacity and qualities of character…Inequality is not only natural and inborn, it grows with the complexity of civilization…every invention or discovery is made or seized by the exceptional individual, and makes the strong stronger, the weak relatively weaker, than before.”
  • Success creates more dopamine and testosterone receptors in our brains. Conversely, those receptors diminish in a state of learned helplessness. (This may explain why executives tend to have and crave sex). 
  • Untold truths of the world
    • 1.Since roughly 1998, with the advent of the cell phone, all Telecom companies signed off with the main global governments to have each phone carry a microphone with the ability to hear and record your conversation. This is one of many things that will lead to a digital revolution.
    • 2.Hollywood/Entertainment has perpetuated the lie that it takes some time before someone on the other end can track your location (it actually occurs instantaneously.)
    • 3.The stock market, since being digitalized, is 100% random. Worse yet, there is much more insider trading occurring that most are led to believe.
  • People are working at the limits of their understanding.
  • For tasks requiring even moderate cognitive function, intrinsic motivators: autonomy, mastery and purpose are much more effective.

Stories & Parables

THE STORY OF THE CRAB BUCKET

One time a man was walking along the beach and say another man fishing in the surf with a bait bucket beside him. As he drew closer, he saw that the bait bucket had no lid and had live crabs inside.
“Why don’t you cover your bait bucket so the crabs won’t escape?”, he said.
“You don’t understand.”, the man replied, “If there is one crab in the bucket it would surely crawl out very quickly. However, when there are many crabs in the bucket, if one tries to crawl up the side, the others grab hold of it and pull it back down so that it will share the same fate as the rest of them.”

The Story of the Mexican Fisherman

An American businessman was standing at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish.
“How long it took you to catch them?” The American asked.
“Only a little while.” The Mexican replied.
“Why don’t you stay out longer and catch more fish?” The American then asked.
“I have enough to support my family’s immediate needs.” The Mexican said.
“But,” The American then asked, “What do you do with the rest of your time?”
The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life, senor.”
The American scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds you buy a bigger boat, and with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats.”
“Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the consumers, eventually opening your own can factory. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise.”
The Mexican fisherman asked, “But senor, how long will this all take?”
To which the American replied, “15-20 years.”
“But what then, senor?”
The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO (Initial Public Offering) and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.”
“Millions, senor? Then what?”
The American said slowly, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos…”

At the Swing of Midnight

At the swing of midnight, on the day you were born,
Three lightning bolts came together.
The first, sinuous and long, said, “I shall make her graceful.”
The second, jagged and strong, said, “I shall give her a mind
That cuts into darkness like diamond.”
The third, bright as a sun, said, “I shall give her radiance
That warms and brightens all those around her.”
As the three lightning bolts descended on the newborn,
Lightning-fast,
A fourth came along, so spectral and pale as to go unseen,
And whispered: “I shall make her forget.”
And so she walked the earth, oblivious to her gifts,
Save when staring into a newborn’s endless eyes
Or hearing a strain of music so pregnant with yearning
As to have the weight of truth,
Or when a dusty pilgrim would arrive from far away
And cry, “Ave!,” with wild eyes that could see
The goddess for the human that she was.
— Ali Binazir 10/2012

The Gambler

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks.”
The bartender said, “That’s fine, but we’re in the middle of the Depression, so I’ll need to see some money first.”
The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Where did you get all that money?” asked the bartender.
“I’m a professional gambler,” replied the man.
The bartender said, “There’s no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?”
“Well, I only bet on sure things,” said the guy.
“Like what?” asked the bartender.
“Well, for example, I’ll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye,” he said.
The bartender thought about it. “Okay,” he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. “Aw, you screwed me,” said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
“I’ll give you another chance. I’ll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye,” said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, “Well, I know you’re not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I’ll take that bet.” So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
“Aw, you screwed me again!” protested the bartender.
“That’s how I win so much money, bartender. I’ll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars,” said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, “Bartender, I’ll give you one last chance. I’ll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop.”
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn’t even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. “Okay, you’re on,” he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, “Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!”
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, “That’s okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!”

The Story of the Taoist Farmer

This farmer had only one horse, and one day the horse ran away. The neighbors came to condole over his terrible loss. The farmer said, “What makes you think it is so terrible?”
A month later, the horse came home–this time bringing with her two beautiful wild horses. The neighbors became excited at the farmer’s good fortune. Such lovely strong horses! The farmer said, “What makes you think this is good fortune?”
The farmer’s son was thrown from one of the wild horses and broke his leg. All the neighbors were very distressed. Such bad luck! The farmer said, “What makes you think it is bad?”
A war came, and every able-bodied man was conscripted and sent into battle. Only the farmer’s son, because he had a broken leg, remained. The neighbors congratulated the farmer. “What makes you think this is good?” said the farmer.

Social Relationships – Elite Tips

Table of Contents

  • Friends & Self
  • Charisma & Attraction
  • Romance & Women
  • Narcissism & Psychopathy
  • Family
  • Dishonesty Detection / Reading People

Friends & Self

  • People remember not what you said, but how you made them feel.
  • “Overeager enthusiasm and uncoordinated energy” – Tucker Max
  • (Winning over a cop, friendship seduction) “I just asked him questions about what he seemed to want to talk about, reinforced his opinions on those issues, avoided any conflict, and always acted interested in what he said, without being overly obsequious about it.” – Tucker Max
  • People treat you the way you train them to treat you. Change your communication to change your relationship.
  • How To Speak Effectively: HAIL
    • 1.Honesty: be clear and straight
    • 2.Authenticity: be yourself
    • 3.Integrity: be your word (DWYSYWD)
    • 4.Love: wish them well, good intentions
  • Seek ESS – Evolutionarily Stable Strategy. Example: Cow eats the grass, but the grass is designed to utilize the cow’s saliva for propagation. Seek the balance in life and be neither too aggressive nor too complacent in attempting to get your way.
  • Determining one’s commitment (to a goal, job, relationship, etc., this is beyond a question of willpower)
    • 1.Treasures: what you like / get out of it
    • 2.Troubles: what you don’t like
    • 3.Contribution: how much you have already invested (money, emotionally, etc.)
    • 4.Perceived Options: how many other better options you think you have or could have
  • Be quick to acknowledge when you were wrong or messed up. People are finely tuned to justice so they need to hear that when they think you were wrong.
  • Don’t say “ahah” or “mhm” when listening since unconsciously people will think you are less intelligent. Just stay silent and look at them.
  • The small talk is the big talk. Build rapport naturally. Be human.
  • We are all resistant to change and change ideas access our prefrontal cortex which gets overloaded and the overwhelm causes anger towards the person trying to help you.  Baby steps.
  • You make people boring or interesting. If you are interested, they are interesting.
  • Speak impeccably by only adding positive energy by not bringing yourself or anyone else down.
  • Playing music stimulates the part of your brain that processes emotion so playing a musical instrument may improve your EQ.
  • Building trust and rapport: validation of ones beliefs and decisions and aspirations. When people talk about themselves and their goals, etc. dopamine is released in their brain. So when you embrace their feelings and perspectives, rather than challenge or judge them, rapport and trust is built.

Charisma and Attraction

  • Deepen Voice
    • 1.Breath from diaphram
    • 2.Strengthen neck muscles at all angles of neck
    • 3.Tilt head back to stretch vocal cords while humming or saying Ding-dong
    • 4.Ground pound while holding mouth open to relax throat muscles
    • 5.Roll out stomach and Psoas muscle
    • 6.Note: We associate deep voices with power (studies have shown presidents with deeper voices get elected).
  • Change the tone (up, down, emphasize) as you speak to appear more interesting and invoke more interest from people. 
  • Impression Management: Frequency trumps duration when it comes to attracting people. Have multiple encounters with them. This applies to business networking and romance.
  • The one thing people want more than love is to feel accepted. Make them feel accepted to get all from them, including their closest kept information.
  • Presence, Power, Warmth.
  • Expressiveness: variability in the tone/speed/etc. in which you speak, tailoring it to your audience after reading the audience.
  • Pausing within sentences signifies the importance of what you are saying, or so you believe.
  • Note: reading rich literary fiction has been shown to increase one’s empathy and emotional intelligence (and by my hypothesis, watching rich, relationship dynamic heavy shows!). Researchers David Comer Kidd and Emanuele Castano have shown that reading fiction helps you to develop a Theory of Mind for other people.
  • Mystery / Personality Paradoxes
    • Strength (confidence, posture, etc.) and warmth (smiling, vulnerability, etc.) are the two most effective trait couples for charisma 
  • Presence: Being Present and Engaged
  • Make people feel special, such as by answering the phone in a even keel, then ramp up the excitement immediately after hearing them.
  • Tango, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and yoga are great ways to teach you power by taking up space.
  • Charisma killers: anxiety, aloofness. Good trick to remove anxiety is to visualize a greater force (God) lifting the weight off your shoulders and taking it on itself. By the time cognitive disbelief kicks in, you have already received the emotional benefit.

Romance / Women

Be assertive with women; don’t ask, tell.

Personality-revealing game: ask someone (most likely romantic prospect/partner) to close their eyes and visualize a big empty desert and describe in detail and it’s location in relation to the other items:

Relationships

  • 1.3 DAY TASK: DAY 1 Spend ten minutes writing about your deepest feelings about your current romantic relationship. Feel free to explore your emotions and thoughts. DAY 2 Think about someone that you know who is in a relationship that is in some way inferior to your own. Write three important reasons why your relationship is better than theirs. DAY 3 Write one important positive quality that your partner has, and explain why this quality means so much to you. Now write something that you consider to be a fault with your partner (perhaps something about his or her personality, habits, or behavior), and then list one way in which this fault could be considered redeeming or endearing.
  • 2.OBJECTS OF REMINDERS: Surrounding yourself with objects that remind you of your partner is good for your relationship. It could be something that you wear, such as a ring, pendant, or necklace. Or perhaps keep a gift from your partner on display in the home or office. Or maybe place a photograph of the two of you in a prominent location, or in a wallet or purse. Either way, remember that these objects are more than mere tokens of love; they also serve an important psychological function. Not only do they usually evoke happy memories and positive thoughts, but they also activate a deep-seated evolutionary mechanism that helps make temptation far less tempting.
  • 2.NOVELITY: Aron’s work suggests that long-term couples will feel more attracted to each other when they regularly engage in novel and exciting joint activities that involve working together to achieve a goal. This finding is supported by the results of several surveys showing that long-term couples who are happy in their relationships are more likely to take part in leisure activities that involve both partners and are relatively unpredictable, exciting, and active rather than passive. So regardless of whether it is playing a sport, amateur dramatics, rock climbing, visiting new places, learning a new dance, or traveling to novel vacation destinations, couples who face life’s foam obstacles together stick together.
  • 3.ADRENALINE/EXCITEMENT: To help promote the chances of a successful date, choose an activity that is likely to get the heart racing. Avoid slow-moving classical music concerts, countryside walks, and wind chimes. Instead, look toward suspense-filled films, theme parks, and cycle rides. The theory is that your date will attribute a racing heart to you rather than to the activity, and so convince themselves that you have that special something.
  • 4.COURAGE: It seems that when it comes to love, women value courage and a willingness to take risks over kindness and altruism. So instead of men making a special effort to woo women by describing their tireless work for charity, they should perhaps consider mentioning their love of skydiving, the importance of standing up for what you think is right, and following your heart no matter where it leads.
  • 5.GET THEM TO OPEN UP: think of lines that get the other person to talk about themselves in a creative, fun, and unusual way.
  • 6.MIMIC (within reason) the way they sit, how they use their hands, their speech patterns, their facial expressions.
  • 7.TOUCH: The results from both experiments were impressive. In the nightclub, women accepted the offer of a dance 43 percent of the time when not being touched on the arm and 65 percent after even the briefest of touches. In the street, the research team obtained telephone numbers from 10 percent of women with no physical contact and almost 20 percent when touching. In both cases a brief touch dramatically increased success.
  • 8.KISS EARS.
  • 9.To initiate touch: tell you her can read palms and take her hand then make up some flattering bullshit.
  • 10.Don’t change her mind, change her mood; to get your way, avoid logical argument.
  • 11.On the first date, ask her what her ideal relationship looks like. This will reveal your compatibility with her in large part.
  • 13. John Gray’s Advice
    • 1.7 days without sex for doubled testosterone and pheromones
    • 2.Give women oxytocin, done via:
      • 1.Giving her orgasm
      • 2.Doing what you say you will do which builds trust too ( gender-specific sales: follow through when you say you will with women)
    • 3.Little things, which go a long way (selective compliments, acts of kindness/generosity, etc.).
    • 4.Contain your negative emotions, even when she is asking for you to divulge. You have to be the emotional rock for her, so that she doesn’t become the mother and take care of you.
    • 5.Validate her feelings (instead of solving her problems, initially): when you recognize her being sad or mad (from the face micro expressions), two great questions are:
      • 1.“Do you want to talk through what happened”
      • 2.“How can I help?”
  • 15.A level of mystery, unpredictability, spontaneity, and independence makes you most attractive and charismatic (in all forms if relationships not just romance).
  • 16.Living with her before you marry her is statistically a bad idea (higher rate of divorce). This is because living with her increases your “contribution” which increases your level of commitment, irrespective of whether she is the right person for you.
  • 17.Do random nice or romantic things for your partner. We grow accustomed / numb / bored of what we habitually receive, so doing something randomly / unexpected for her will increase her perceived “treasure” from you, and thereby level of commitment.
  • 18.Wear nice shoes (leather) and dress well. Shoes most important.
  • 19.Mother’s influence of who she is: “The one thing I can tell you is that once you meet the girl you think you want to be with, get to know her mother and see how you like her as a person as well; there is more truth there than I can explain but trust me on that one.” – Pedro Rodriguez
  • 20.Eye contact: look at the bridge of her nose between her eyes instead of looking at one eye and then the other. The latter makes you appear as if you are looking for a reaction, but you want to be reacted to and it’s more intimate the other way. Even more intense / intimate is to stare into her right eye.
  • 21.The only thing better than confidence is BOLDNESS, which is the boldness to be honest and transparent to who you are and what you want. You are not afraid to be vulnerable. You claim the woman and what you want.
  • 22.Deliver penetrating insight
    • 1.“You have had many boyfriends, but I bet you have never felt truly seen or heard.”
  • 23.Compliment her inner beauty (too many guys comment on their physical appearance)
  • 24.Best first question for date: your last embarrassing moment? Look to see if they get embarrassed (averted eyes, pressed lips, blushing). Embarrassment indicates they care what others think.
  • 25.Women find 12% body fat to be most attractive for men.

Narcissism & Psychopathy

  • Sam Vaknin is the foremost expert on the subject
  • Causes: Abuse
    • All forms are valid and can contribute, physical, sexual, psychological, etc.
  • Excessive praise and demands: form of abuse as well, such as parents expecting/demanding their kid to reach a certain level of success. It sends the message that the kid is the tool and the parent is the owner; people are tools to enable our own self needs and interests.
  • Signs and Traits
    • Control freaks: They seek ownership over those close to them. They are paranoid and directly or indirectly demand subservience and adulation, aka narcissistic supply.
    • Calculated imitators: They are perfect imitations of normal people and calculate how to act to manipulate people. The very act of them showing emotion or self-humor is calculated to achieve an end with someone. As calculated optimizing machines, they are often very successful in the most influential arenas of society: media, entertainment, political office, corporate executives, etc.
  • Cluster of negative traits: One or two selfish or calculated acts does not make someone a narcissist or psychopath, but rather the full range of characteristics and manipulative actions.
  • Rage exposure under pressure / struggle: They will often show their their true colors when push comes to shove, where they will often exude some form of rage out of frustration for not receiving what they want.

Family

  • Raising Children
    • Praise them for effort not for being smart. Variable trait over fixed so when they fail, they feel they have recourse.
  • “It turns out that when I graduated from high school, I had already used up 93% of my in-person parent time. I’m now enjoying the last 5% of that time. We’re in the tail end.”

Dishonesty Detection / Reading People

  • PERSONALITY OF PET: For years, owners have insisted that their pets have a unique personality—not only does my research suggest they might be right, but it also reveals that people’s pets are a reflection of themselves. So if you meet someone who has a dog and you want to gain genuine insight into their personality within seconds, ask them to describe the personality of their canine pal.
  • Face micro expressions: are hardwired into us (study showed blind babies have the same face mircro expressions, proving it is not learned or a cultural idiosyncrasy, and thus very reliable of someone’s true emotional state.
  • Inconsistencies in their story / telling of the chain of events.
  • Inconsistencies in behavior.
    • Acting strong or aggressive when you are weak. Vice versa.
    • Shaking or tapping of extremities indicates discomfort or lying.
    • Half smirk indicates you are hiding something after you call them out and expose them. Ex. “You have the flush, don’t you?”
    • Pursed lips when stressed is very common.
    • If eyes move to their left, they are recalling facts. If they move right, they most likely are making things up or embellishing details.
    • Formal language and distancing or disassociating yourself from the object. Instead of claiming ownership, by using words like mine, ours, etc. you use words like that, this, etc.
      • Ex. “I did not have sexual relations with that woman”
    • Looking you in the eyes too much to overcompensate the notion of not looking you in the eyes indicates deception.
    • .A real smile is in someone’s eyes / crows feet, not just consciously controlling ones cheeks.
    • Contempt: the facial expression is one corner of you lip raised. It is the only asymmetrical facial expression.
    • Change in vocal chord.
  • Have the suspected liar to tell the events in reverse chronological order which makes it very challenging for them. They may give too little or too much detail as they squirm to give a trustworthy impression. However, don’t be too aggressive. Massage them into telling the truth.
  • Try to change his/her mind of your expectations/desires. They are lying because they think you will think something is bad or good, so they may be more willing to tell the truth if he/she thinks you will judge them differently than they once thought.
  • IN 59 SECONDS Body Language For successful lie detection, jettison the behavioral myths surrounding the Anxiety Hypothesis and look for signs more commonly associated with having to think hard. Forget the idea that liars have sweaty palms, fidget, and avoid eye contact. Instead, look for a person suddenly becoming more static and cutting down on their gestures. Also, learn to listen. Be on guard for a sudden decrease in detail, an increase in pauses and hesitations, and an avoidance of the words “me,” “mine,” and “I” but an increase in “her” and “him.” If someone suddenly becomes very evasive, press for a straight answer. To spot possible shifts, try to establish what researchers have referred to as an “honest baseline.” Before asking questions that are likely to elicit deceptive answers, start with those that are far more likely to make the person respond in an honest way. During these initial answers, develop an understanding of how they behave when they are telling the truth by looking at their body language and listening to the words they say. Then, during the answers to the trickier questions, watch for the behavioral shifts outlined above. Also, remember that even if you do see these signals, they are not an absolute guarantee of a lie. Unlike taxes and death, nothing is that certain when it comes to lying. Instead, such clues are simply an indication that all is perhaps not as it should be—a good reason to dig deeper.
  • People will often cheat by a little bit (in a simple game). They will cheat less when reminded of morality, will cheat more when they see an in group member cheat,  will cheat less when they see an out group member cheat, and will cheat more when the distance from the cheating is increased (example issue faulty securities rather than just steal peoples money directly).